This week I wanted this blog post to be funny, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. Check back next week. So many times I sit to write post and find my thoughts turn in to deep dark conversations with myself, revealing to much of my inner being. For those who read my blog and don’t know me, I hope I don’t come across as depressed all the time. For those who read my blog and do know me, I hope I don’t come across as having some sort of schizophrenic personality. I’m really a happy person, but like every one. filled with doubt.
I took this weeks photo yesterday at the pool. Surely, people there thought nothing of a lady taking a picture of the ground near an empty pool. There was no big reasoning behind the photo, except I thought of the kids books which would have photos of 1 duck, 2 feet, etc. I had this idea of writing something hilarious to go along with the photo, but no clue what it was going to be. Then this morning as I was looking at the photo, It reminded me of how I stand on my own two feet. June was a particularly hard month for me emotionally. Nothing major went wrong, but lots of little things which made me want to sink into the earth and never come back to the surface. There was even a day while working out I was fighting my own self negativity. One moment telling myself to stop, it’s not worth the effort, to give up on the work out, and let’s go eat donuts. Then in the same breath I was screaming to just finish the activity, my mind will give out long before my body, and give it all you have for just an hour. Sheesh, if I didn’t sound schizophrenic before I’m sure I do now. 😉 So this morning when I looked at this photo, I thought to myself, “YOU are the only person standing in your way. YOU are the only one giving up on yourself. YOU are the only person who can walk in your shoes. You are the only person who can make you stand on your own two feet. YOU are the only person who can make you, you.”
It’s easy for me to get caught up in wanting to me something more than I am. I want people to like me (I think we all do), I want to be noticed for my photos, I want i want i want…sounds like a four-year old. Once I realize I have a bad case of the gimme’s I know I need to step back from the crowd. I need the quietness of being alone to let the voices of all those around me fade away, in order hear my voice. My peace is in the stillness of my mind. It’s in that calmness I find inspiration, gratitude, forgiveness, and the ability to stand confidently on my own two feet.
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